L'Announcement Magnifique! (kinder hacked)

Beloved friends and family, we have an important announcement. Take heed!

Thank you, Sven. That will be all.

Time abroad lends you perspective that living at home, even in the United States of A, just can't. Food preferences shift. New, unexpected friends are made. And even politics can change.

After a great deal of deliberation, we have decided it's time to come clean. We, Eric and Jessica, have become Republicans - mind you, not the old fashion kind our parents might have voted - the new, or neo one. I know this is not what you all expected but I hope you'll do us the courtesy of hearing us out. After all, it's important in this day and age to truly listen to the other side of the political aisle, because only together can we move forward.

Just hear us out!

Since there's not much to really do in Paris, we've taken to researching what's REALLY going on in our home country. It turns out there are a lot of people on welfare who don't really need it, and are set upon abusing the system! Folks on food stamps driving Mercedes Benzes!

For rich people only

Scientists have an agenda of their own, and don't have our best interests at heart. Big Science is invading our classrooms, trying to make vaccines mandatory (personal freedom, anyone??) and insisting the theory of evolution is, in fact, the fact of evolution. We can no longer stand by and let the government invade our lives in such a personal way. And don't even get us started on forcing hard-working business leaders to pay employees exorbitant  living wages!

Just feed your kids off the McDonald's dollar menu, and everyone wins.

For these reasons, and many many more, we have decided to throw our full support behind the only man in America who is fit to lead us as our next President. Just two words. One name.

Ted.

Cruz.

He's not white, he's Latino-ish!

We all want what's best for America. And after living in France for seven months, we know what's best for America. It's Ted Cruz, and freedom, and family values and trickle-down economics (which will work if you just GIVE IT A CHANCE)

When we return to the States, we will be devoting all our time to Ted Cruz's campaign (Cruz Control), so look forward to a barrage of email explaining this man's Galileo-like qualities and vision of the future looking much like the past, only with even fewer gay people.

Much love,

Eric and Jessica

PS- You can donate to President-to-be Cruz's campaign here: http://www.tedcruz.org:  We've already donated the amount legally allowed, so if anyone knows how to commit campaign fraud to donate more, please let us know.

PPS- Climate change is a hoax. You heard it here first.

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                ah! kids will be kids - Touché - e & j, 32-March, 2015